Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
