dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
