i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
