The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
