I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
