I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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