they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Come share oat with me in your robe
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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