i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
