Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
