On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
