I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
