Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
