I'm eating all of the evidence.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
