She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
