Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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