Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
