I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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