she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
