Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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