i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
