i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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