I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
