My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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