Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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