part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
