Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
