I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
