yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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