Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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