bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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