i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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