Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
