So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
What drink are we having for lunch?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
