Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
