You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
