I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
