I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
