I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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