How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
