her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
