Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Someone shit on the floor
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I FOUND THE LEGS
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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