She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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