Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
