Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
