wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
