On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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