Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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