He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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