he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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