he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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