Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
