oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
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New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
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I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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