his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
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I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize