just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
