You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
