No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
