You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
