May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
