He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize