We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
