Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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