i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
