she woke up with a sticky ear
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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