...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
